i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
