That's intense
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
