I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
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theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
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If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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