He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
