to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
