margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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