yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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