You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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