You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
