Girls should come with a carfax report
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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