Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
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Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
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Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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