i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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