Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
do herpes really smell.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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