Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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