One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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