I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
