And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm just crazy horny about you
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
