I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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