Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
