wake up i wanna do it froggy style
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
