lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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