grandma shit on top of the toilet
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
