If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
