You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
