dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
