Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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