East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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