I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
