But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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