if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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