I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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