i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
