I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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