i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
