I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
