I need to stop coming to work sober
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Randomize
