wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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