I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
wow bdsm is so cute
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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