he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
