We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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