I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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