i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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