Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
