you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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