it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
