This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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