is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I see more hoeing in ur future
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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