and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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