i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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