I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Randomize
