Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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