just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I need a beard to bite.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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