Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
