Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
