I'm gonna have a badass scar
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
