people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
