You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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