I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Sext me about skeletons
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize