She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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