he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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