I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
