I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
