How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
