you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
