She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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