You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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