Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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